Most of us spend our lives trying to “get comfortable and stay comfortable.” We want a roof over our heads, enough food to eat, a decent car to drive, and enough money that we don’t have to worry about the next mortgage payment. That’s just who we are as human beings.
However, that ingrained need to be comfortable extends into our psyche, and can keep us from growing. We don’t like to feel exposed or vulnerable, so we don’t take chances—we limit our thinking so we can feel safe—even to the point of sabotaging our own success. Unfortunately this often begins when we’re young. Many times it is something our parents pass along without even realizing how they’re setting the stage for us. When we hear things like “Oh, Johnny doesn’t like to read,” or “Sue isn’t good at sports,” those things get hardwired into our mental attitudes and before you know it, they become limiting beliefs that keep us from reaching our true potential.
In fact, most of the limiting beliefs we have as adults stem from negative things we learned as very young children. Things like: “Children should be seen and not heard,” and “Don’t talk to strangers,” become part of our subconscious and color how we approach daily situations and view the future. Do you get sweaty palms at the thought of speaking in public? Are you uncomfortable in networking situations where you don’t know most of the people in the room? Those feelings are manifestations of the limiting beliefs that our subconscious draws upon to “protect” us.
However, as humans, we have the power to change those attitudes and choose something different. Unlike Pavlov’s dog, which cannot unlearn conditioned behavior, we can recognize those “fixed-mindset” patterns and develop new ones—and that applies to us as individuals, and to the brands we represent as marketers.
Basically, we can do this in two steps. The first step is learning to change our attitudes—how we respond to people and events that are beyond our control. The second step is going a bit further and developing those positive attitudes into habits that become our new mindset.
There is a great book I discovered shortly after I was divorced and was trying to learn how to motivate my girls. It’s called Mindset: the New Psychology of Success, by Carol Dweck, and I highly recommend it to anyone who feels “stuck,” and wants to understand how to break free of the attitudes that keep you in your comfort zone and limit your success.
Everyone wants more success in their life and in their business, yet many of us are secretly afraid of it. We might fail, and we associate failure with all kinds of negative things, so we won’t allow ourselves to go there. But have you ever heard of someone who achieved success by playing it safe and doing the same things over and over? It’s impossible. You have to reach, try new things and break out of old patterns. In short, you have to get uncomfortable, because only then can true growth happen.
There’s a quote on my Twitter profile that pretty well sums up the benefits of breaking out of limiting patterns. It says “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
Have you tested the boundaries of your comfort zone? What are some limiting beliefs that you feel are holding you back? Discover them and make a conscious effort to cross those barriers. Give yourself time to make it work and I guarantee you will be thrilled with the results.
I work very hard (with actions and encouragement) to “un-position” the way my daughters get put in a box.
When we get to understand that growth is an inherent part of life we can flow with it. The path of growth is only for those who are willing step out of the comfort zone and to do that it requires courage and willingness to discover parts of ourselves that were not previously reveled to us.
I love reading your blog. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much Aurora… great input. Appreciate you reading and commenting. Check out another post of mine: Step out of your Comfort Zone… https://www.tedrubin17.wpengine.com/step-out-of-your-comfort-zone/ 🙂
The great Viktor Frankl wrote in his seminal book, “Man’s Search For Meaning” something to the effect that the ONLY thing we control is our attitude. He was talking about his own horrible experience during the Holocaust in which the Nazis literally had FULL control of every aspect of his life. He said the ONLY thing he could control was his reaction aka attitude to the horrors he experienced.
Given OUR lives are so much easier – most of us – this is the thing I try to remember. My saying is, “The ONLY thing I control is what I eat for breakfast” which I mean tongue-in-cheek, but I do believe we can change our stuck ways. It takes courage. But, usually the results are well worth the risk!
It can be so easy to be caught up in the momentum of mediocrity where we stay comfortable. But courageously moving beyond those boundaries and stretching ourselves to new limits is exhilerating!
It can be scary at times, but it’s ALWAYS worth it!
Absolutely Shelley… perfectly stated.
Bruce, I think the following two quotes by Peter McWilliams expresses it so well…
“To the degree we’re not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves”
and…
“We are all, right now, living the life we choose.”
Make your choice.
Your post is a great reminder that one of the most powerful things we can learn, to avoid the scourge of mediocrity in our life and business, is to learn to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable because the magic of change only happens outside our comfort zone.
It feels like I’ve been pursuing the comfortable life for some time, when I finally achieved comfort I almost instantly felt stuck and unable to progress. I have experienced and instigated change in my life several times before but once you feel ‘trapped’ in your comfort it can be very difficult to walk away from it.
Thank you for this article.
Happy to hear it meant something to you Mark. Thanks for sharing.