Mary Coleman Elwell June 19 at 11:24pm
Hi Ted,
Just felt the need to write to you on the eve of Fathers Day to tell you …although I don’t really know you… what a wonderful Dad you are. I have read some of the comments that were written after your court battles with your former wife. I applaud your strength in your fight to do what is right for your girls. I think a lot of Dads just give up the fight thinking that it is a lost battle. I too was a divorced Mom. My husband left me and for a nineteen year old girl when I had an 18 month old son and a 4 year old son just a week away from kindergarten. My life was in termoil and my heart broke for myself but more for my children. I did not want them to grow up in a house without the “tradtional ” family. But after many sleepless nights and through unending tears… my thoughts always came back to what was best for my boys. I did not want my children going through what I had seen other children face in divorce. Parents bickering, cutting off ties. Using the kids to get revenge at their former spouse. So … I came to the conclusion that I loved my sons a thousand times more than I hated him. And hard as it was for me to do… I let it go. I let my ex have the children when he wanted… anytime. I did not want my kids to have a time slot to be a family with their Dad. No matter what I thought of him…. they loved him and he was and is there Dad. I bought cards for him on his birthday and Fathers Day when they were little so they could give him something and have a normal relationship with their dad. I did these things for them.I never spoke bad about him and made sure they always had a relationship with him. And although I started out doing it for them…. I won in the end too, because I never had that fighting and stress and unending fued going on. I let it go and we became friends. It has been a long time since my divorce. My sons have a Dad who loves them, and through it all ;now that they have become young men themselves, I think they see what I did for them. Now they are old enough to understand that I did do this for them. That I had every right to be a vintictive ex and play the cards like a lot of women do… but I am so grateful that is not how I chose to go. I did what I did for my sons. No matter what the reason of a divorce or who did what… the bottom line should always always be the kids. And in the very end it is. For years later they do know the truth. Although it is hard at times to not do or say what we might want to. In the end… the children win out. And that is what matters most. So…… now that I have rattled on about my life story… I just want to say Happy Fathers Day… and I hope you are spending it with your girls. You are a dad who so obviously loves his girls.. and I am sure they feel your unending love for them. Keep up the fight for the kids!!
Ok… that’s it LOL I swear.. I just got carried away with the comments on this subject and felt the need to respond.
Just felt the need to write to you on the eve of Fathers Day to tell you …although I don’t really know you… what a wonderful Dad you are. I have read some of the comments that were written after your court battles with your former wife. I applaud your strength in your fight to do what is right for your girls. I think a lot of Dads just give up the fight thinking that it is a lost battle. I too was a divorced Mom. My husband left me and for a nineteen year old girl when I had an 18 month old son and a 4 year old son just a week away from kindergarten. My life was in termoil and my heart broke for myself but more for my children. I did not want them to grow up in a house without the “tradtional ” family. But after many sleepless nights and through unending tears… my thoughts always came back to what was best for my boys. I did not want my children going through what I had seen other children face in divorce. Parents bickering, cutting off ties. Using the kids to get revenge at their former spouse. So … I came to the conclusion that I loved my sons a thousand times more than I hated him. And hard as it was for me to do… I let it go. I let my ex have the children when he wanted… anytime. I did not want my kids to have a time slot to be a family with their Dad. No matter what I thought of him…. they loved him and he was and is there Dad. I bought cards for him on his birthday and Fathers Day when they were little so they could give him something and have a normal relationship with their dad. I did these things for them.I never spoke bad about him and made sure they always had a relationship with him. And although I started out doing it for them…. I won in the end too, because I never had that fighting and stress and unending fued going on. I let it go and we became friends. It has been a long time since my divorce. My sons have a Dad who loves them, and through it all ;now that they have become young men themselves, I think they see what I did for them. Now they are old enough to understand that I did do this for them. That I had every right to be a vintictive ex and play the cards like a lot of women do… but I am so grateful that is not how I chose to go. I did what I did for my sons. No matter what the reason of a divorce or who did what… the bottom line should always always be the kids. And in the very end it is. For years later they do know the truth. Although it is hard at times to not do or say what we might want to. In the end… the children win out. And that is what matters most. So…… now that I have rattled on about my life story… I just want to say Happy Fathers Day… and I hope you are spending it with your girls. You are a dad who so obviously loves his girls.. and I am sure they feel your unending love for them. Keep up the fight for the kids!!
Ok… that’s it LOL I swear.. I just got carried away with the comments on this subject and felt the need to respond.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY !!!!
Ted Rubin June 20 at 9:17am
Thanks so very much for this note Mary. Your words mean a great deal and I see so much of what I tried to be and do from the other side. For years I not only bought cards for the girls to give their Mom, and their Nanny and Poppy (her parents), I bought gifts and craft projects as well, took them to places so they could make their own gifts, and made sure they always knew it was important. Even though at the same time none of this was ever done for me… it did not matter because it has always been about them, and growing up to be loving, caring, thoughtful young women.
My paramount concern has always been what is best for my children, and I was hoping that by the Court’s use of pseudonyms, our names would not be publicly disclosed for the protection of my daughters. Unfortunately that did not happen.
Mary Coleman Elwell June 20 at 11:39am
I agree with you 100%. You did everything right and your girls have a great Dad. They will grow up to be wonderful loving women I am sure. With that credit going to you. I hope you have a wonderful Fathers Day !!!! You deserve it !!!!!!!!!!
Ted, Hi! I’m Rene Syler’s assistant. I’m “researching” you for your Life Lesson bio. I agree so much with Mary about the infighting and bickering between parents. It’s a waste of time that only hurts your children. I am loving your story and your site. It is not every day that you see a man stand up for his children and his right to be a dad AND AT THE SAME TIME make it basically the foundation of his business. I’m totally impressed!
Thank you for your comment Ella. Really appreciate you reaching out.
Your style is so unique in comparison to other people I’ve read stuff from.
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Thanks Ashly.
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Thank you!