Moshe Fessel

Moshe Fessel

My two cents, for whatever it’s worth:

As you know, Ted, you and I have never spoke, met or had any substantive electronic communication. I only know of Ted through the various media outlets which have covered the recent, groundbreaking ruling of Judge Ross.

I am not here to comment about my own divorce, though I will disclose that my two daughters are ages 15 and 13, respectively (I also have twin 4-year old boys). … See More

Sadly, Matrimonial Court is a living hell for all involved parties, and the mere fact that a Nassau County (or any other jurisdiction’s) Judge issued a ruling in favor of (or, more accurately, “against”) a particular party is in no way indicative of reality.

A significant disconnect exists between fact-based “reality” and Matrimonial Court rulings/results.
That said, irrespective of the “truth” in Ted’s case (and, to be clear, I have absolutely no reason to believe that Ted is anything other than a 100% honest person; I am merely not in any position to purport to have any first-hand knowledge about Ted, his daughters, his case or the mother of his children), and notwithstanding Ted’s thought process, Ted has likely saved the lives of countless children through his suffering, courage, action and this recent ruling.

All this may sound dramatic but, if anything, it is a severe understatement. Judge Ross’ ruling – right or wrong – has sharply delivered a crystal clear message to all parents in matrimonial litigation: children are not weapons, shields or pawns.

Unfortunately, Ted’s heroism for countless others does not help him with respect to his relationship with his daughters. Conventional wisdom dictates that, with extreme patience, the parent who causes alienation will endure the long-term suffering but, aside from the fact that it can take years for that to happen, each case is extremely unique and, to boot, Ted is in unchartered territory given the jail sentence imposed by Ross.

In other words, the children’s potential perception — even as adults — that Daddy had Mommy imprisoned, further complicates matters (again, to be abundantly clear, this is NOT in any way an indictment of any of Ted’s actions).
Moreover, if the girls ultimately “see the light,” query as to whether it is in their best interests to realize, know and understand what their very own mother selfishly has done to them.

To take this to the extreme, even if Ted is a complete two-faced liar, his courageous battle will prove to be the foundation for saving the emotional lives of generations of future children of divorce. The horrific tactics encouraged and employed by matrimonial attorneys have been significantly compromised – a direct result of Ted’s courage, determination and his manifestation of love for his children (right or wrong).

Finally, and please correct me if I’m wrong, Ted, irrespective of whether this result is “in the best interests of the children,” Ted has had to live through agony that is beyond comprehension and simply too difficult to describe. I have much first-hand experience with respect to similar issues — perhaps on a far lesser scale than Ted — and, without knowing Ted at all, I can remark with absolute certainty that Ted has been compelled to make impossible decisions in connection with his divorce, ex-wife and daughters, and Ted, whether or not he “wears it on his sleeve” undoubtedly continues to suffer indescribably and helplessly.

There is nothing Ted can do at this point to remedy a situation that is likely no fault of his own, other than to maintain consistency and patience. The agony of this powerless and helpless feeling is paralyzing.

And even if Ted has made all the correct decisions, he cannot possibly have the ability to maintain objectivity through this process. Nobody on this earth has that ability.

To sum up this entire rant, Ted, you are a true hero, irrespective of whether “your version” is the “real version.” And I cannot even imagine the suffering you continue to endure.
And to compound matters from bad to worse, your daughters, who may “seem” happy now, have no idea how difficult it will be if and when, best case scenario (?), they realize the truth.

Continue your life for them. Ultimately, your beautiful girls will need their real, irreplaceable Daddy.

Posted to Facebook Tuesday 6/15/10 at 11:27pm

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