I don’t get to celebrate Father’s Day in the traditional way, as a Dad surrounded by his daughters, his son-in-law, or holding his grandson. Instead, I celebrate in silence, from a distance, holding tight to memories and love that still burn bright, even if the connection has dimmed.
Dani is now 30. Niki is 28. I haven’t heard from Dani in seven years. I haven’t seen or heard from Niki since she graduated from Harvard Law in the Spring of 2022 and began what I know is an impactful career in civil rights. I admire her passion, her values, and her fight for what she believes in, for herself and for others. I just wish I could still be part of her world, to witness it first-hand rather than in glimpses online.
Dani was married three years ago. I wasn’t invited. And just this past March, I found out through others that I became a grandfather. A baby boy, Michael, my grandson. I’ve never seen him. Never held him. Never even heard his name from her lips.
I’ve also never met Niki’s boyfriend Connor, the one she’s been with since junior year of college. Even back when we still had visits, there was always a reason he couldn’t be there. A quiet distance I felt growing long before the silence took over.
And yet, I still cherish them… fiercely. I am thankful for their happiness, their intelligence, their success, health, and beauty (inside and out). I think of them with love. Every single day.
It’s not easy. In fact, it’s getting harder as the years pass, watching them mature into women who, truth be told, should be able to think for themselves, weigh truth from fiction, and lean on a moral compass I know is in them. I live vicariously now… through what I can find online, through what others share, and through those rare moments when a public search result gives me a glimpse of the lives I used to be a part of. I’ve felt hope lift me when I was barely holding on, and I’ve felt the weight of it when I just wanted peace from the waiting, the not knowing, the endless what ifs. That’s the paradox of hope… it’s beautiful, but it can also break your heart. It gives you something to cling to… but in doing so, it won’t let you rest. This is a process. One I’m not sure I’ll ever come to peace with.
Many of you know my mantra… #ThisDadWontQuit. In recent years, it has evolved into something even more fundamental… #TheDadWhoWillAlwaysLove. Because that’s what this really is. Not a plea. Not a fight. Just love. Quiet, unwavering love.
A few words I’d share with my girls, if they were here, or if by chance they ever seek out my content…
As you continue to grow into yourselves, as women, partners, and now a parent… BE yourself. Weigh the input of others, but THINK for yourself. And then ACT upon what you believe. That time is no longer “someday.” It’s now.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose… You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the person who’ll decide where to go.” ~Dr. Seuss
And here’s one small, simple wish… that whatever life brings you, you’ll share the goodness and grace that lives inside you, even if you can’t yet share that with me. BE HAPPY. BE GOOD TO PEOPLE. AND BE GOOD TO YOURSELVES.
You are the light of my life and the warmth in my heart. That’s unshakable. I live surrounded by memories of us together. And I hold love, feelings, and moments in my heart and mind that are mine… and no one can take them away.
Being a father isn’t just about presence, it’s about presence of heart. It’s about what we model and leave behind. Even in silence, I’ve tried to live by the belief that everything we do as parents, especially after divorce, is seen, absorbed, remembered. Our children may not fully understand it in the moment, but it shapes how they see the world, how they process love, and ultimately how they live in it.
And today, while I reflect on the daughters I miss, I give thanks to the ones who are here. My nieces… Esther, Hannah and her wife Brooke, and Emma and her husband Sam, and their amazing children, Miriam and Asher. They are the light in my daily life. They make me feel seen and valued, and I’ll never stop being grateful for their presence and love.
I also honor this day as a son. I think of my Dad often. Jim Valvano’s words ring in my ears…
“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person. He believed in me.”
He did. Without fail. Even when I stumbled. He was a good man, a better friend, and an extraordinary Dad… the way I hope to be remembered one day, too. I miss him dearly.
Happy Father’s Day to all who show up, who keep their hearts open, and who love without limits… even when it’s not returned.
#ThisDadWontQuit
#TheDadWhoWillAlwaysLove