I did not get to be with my daughters this year for Thanksgiving. I do have time with them today and bring them back to my Aunt and Uncles where my whole family gathered for the holiday yesterday and stayed overnight.
Spending time with my girls is something I put before all else. They are teenagers now and being a divorced Dad it can be challenging to continue to reach out, put them first, and maintain this in the face of their lack of interest and the roadblocks so easily put in place by their Mom as well as all the other other distractions, like social media, that can keep my focus and attention from them.
What inspires me to move beyond limitations and obstacles is the love of my children and a desire to not only be a part of their lives, but to have influence on how they think, reason, and develop.
I believe being a Father transcends how we feel moment-to-moment. We have to remember that everything we do is being observed, recorded, and processed in the present, and the future, and will be a key component of our children’s emotional development… especially for children who are the products of divorce. They are always watching/observing, and although they cannot truly understand it all now, our interactions are being stored for future analysis… whether conscious or subconscious it will all affect the way they view the world, friendship, love and affection.
This is the thought process that guides the way I behave, the face I reveal to them, and how I impress upon them my values and attitudes about life, friendship and love. My father used to say… “do like I say, not like I do.” I say… “do like I do!”
*Remember… parents do not realize when their daughter is a child, how fleeting the moments are. And in the blink of an eye, the little girl who did pirouettes (cartwheels) down the hall is dancing her way through her own life.
Message to my daughters… “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss
Our kids see EVERYTHING we do and say. What you are doing and advocating is sooooo important, TR…your dad was wrong, as you noted, though that was common thinking for the day.
Making the world a better place IS my motivation for what I do now – above all else. It gives life meaning and, after all, isn’t that the ultimate thing everyone wants?
Teaching this value to your daughters is INVALUABLE. Putting your ego aside, after a divorce, is being the BEST dad you can be. Well done, Ted. Keep it up.
I wish all parents divorced or not more fully understood “observed, recorded, and processed in the present, and the future”. This is done from the moment children are born. Parents are their prime example about how to interact with others, deal with issues, enjoy life and live their lives. Your Dad only knows what he knows from his observations, recordings, and processing for future;, right, wrong or different. As you say, staying in your daughters’ life’s so so important, they need to know through actions that you are there for them! One of my all time wishes for divorced parents is that they put aside their differences and put their kids first and not to speak I’ll of each in front of them. The kids love both and hearing negatives about an other drives a wedge between the one speaking ill of the other. Ted, Thank You for this letter to your daughters!
I grew up with divorced parents and a father who had no interest in our lives. While we were required to see him every other weekend and 2 weeks during the summer, it was a miserable experience for me and I chose to move 3,000 miles away from him after I graduated college. We haven’t spoken for over 15 years. If I could say one thing it would be to never, ever give up on them. Sounds like you are doing everything you can to make sure you have a great relationship. I wish ever father would do that. I really miss having a father present in my life. Because of this, I am crazy about having my husband foster a close relationship with my 3 daughters. Even though we have a happy marriage, I think he takes it for granted that they will always love and need him. Not always the case. A father is so important in a daughter’s life. Thank you for being one of the good ones who recognize this.